So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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