Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
