All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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