your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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