the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
