When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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