You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
