Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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