Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
