I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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