he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
