GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
