Just fell off a train. Bad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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