he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
