Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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