Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
