it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
