Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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