So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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