And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
