he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
