she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
