this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
