Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
