Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
