i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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