So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
