You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
