I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
