im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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