No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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