trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
