highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
