once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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