I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they need to just BURY HIM!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
