Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
