Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
