So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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