oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
