I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
