ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
