Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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