Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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