I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
