K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
