You really coming over, don't trick.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
