Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
