Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
