it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
