Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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