i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
