I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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