There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
