imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
